Chronic Illness & Body Image

There was a time I couldn’t look in mirrors. I actively turned away or averted my gaze. I got ready in the morning in the dark so that even while doing my makeup I couldn’t see myself very well. I was trying to protect myself, because a good look in a mirror could absolutely ruin my day.

Do you know how it feels to hate the body you were given? Have you ever been baffled at how your body doesn’t seem to match your brain and spirit?

 There’s a mental element, of course - low self esteem, low confidence, body dysmorphia, even self hatred. But, for people with chronic illnesses, there’s a physical element as well. The pain and anguish and misery we go through with our bodies can easily make us hate them, and resent them.

At a point in time, my body was so separate from “me” that I couldn’t stand to look at it. Not only did I feel “ugly” because of my pre-existing mental health issues, but as my illness progressed I also felt clumsy, slow, and like I was taking up too much space. I was also trapped in a painful hellhole of a skin suit, so, yeah. I hated my body.

It’s a HUGE mental shift to take a chance at love. The love of SELF is maybe the most difficult, but also the most rewarding kind of love that exists. It is not easy to love a body that causes you pain. It is not easy to call beautiful a face that you once swore was unattractive. It’s not easy to be kind to yourself when you hate yourself, period.

But, you and your body are not at war with one another. You are a team. You feed one another, you challenge one another, you grow together. Love your body and your body WILL love you back. I still struggle with it, but I took a chance at love. I have my bad days, of course. But, I decided to look in the mirror, and I’ll never turn back. 🪞🤎🪞